The Platinum Rule for Relationship success
Most of us understand the golden rule: Do to others as you would like them to do to you. It works very well in many circumstances. If you are tempted to yell at the man who has just cut you off in traffic, take a deep breath and give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, it could be someday. Follow the golden rule when you call on a friend who is sick because you would like the same treatment as if you got ill.
The problem is, however, that the golden rule often does not work with close relationships, especially when you get down to specific actions. For example, you may be happy with not knowing about your mother for a week, so do not call her for seven days. She, however, may worry that if she leaves a whole week pass without naming her. Wow that one was for me.
There is a better rule for relationships than the skin of consciousness at a higher level - The Platinum Rule - Do to others what they would have to do to them. In other words, treat others as they wish to be addressed, rather than the way you want to be treated. It is not selfish. These means that you have to know what others want.
Not everyone has the same preferences!
The golden rule can be harsh to break. I have to get staff here. I love the touch. Any contact is terrific for me. I love when Joyce takes my hand. I love when she hugs me or even when she jumps on me when we're lying together. Now Joyce loves to play like that, but even more, she loves the words spoken. They can be words of love or appreciation. They can be questions that invite you to share what you feel. The words do it for her.
It is easy for us to fall into the golden rule when it comes to touch and words. I can forget the love of words and, on the other hand, touch it, because that's what I like. You can remember to contact me and, instead, you love me with words because that is what you love. And do not get me wrong. Each one of us appreciates this demonstration of love, although it is not the highest thing we want. It's just that we have to remember the platinum rule, and change to give what the other wants the most. Then we love each other.
If you want to be a divine lover, ask your partner every day about their preferences. Ask about mundane things, such as food, clothes, types of exercises, books, anything. Also ask about essential items, such as what specific spiritual practice allows your partner to feel closer to you.
Gently reminding your partner of what they need and want
It's even okay to tell your partner of what they need and went smoothly. It is not about scolding, complaining, or controlling another person. That is a turn-off for anyone. Instead, try to invite your partner to love you differently.
Do you want to be a better lover, friend or family member? Follow the platinum rule of the relationship.